


Not Still, But Again

by Maiuzan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Beach Volleyball, Getting Back Together, Kissing, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Road Trips, Sorting out feelings, kuroo has a beach episode, picnics are gay, set 6 years after canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-10 19:07:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7857535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maiuzan/pseuds/Maiuzan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Akaashi can't drive Bokuto to his sister's wedding, Bokuto is at his wits' end. However, the planets somehow align and present him with an opportunity. Someone with a car and enough free time to give him a ride appears. There's only one downside: It's his ex-boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i've been planning this fic for ages, but now i finally got to write it! 
> 
> if you're curious about Kuroo's car in this fic, you can find a picture of it [ here ](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5d/Toyota_Sparky_003.JPG)

Koutarou had always considered himself to be a lucky one. He had always been surrounded by great friends, grew up in a loving family, somehow managed to finish high school without much trouble, and most important of all, he was a looker. He considered all of this as products of luck, because he had never needed to do anything to get all of it. Nice things just came to him naturally. 

Guess that luck had to run out eventually, right?

“Can’t you just skip work, Akaashi. Pretty please?” Koutarou pulled on his hair out of frustration. He had been enjoying his day off, leisurely sipping on some frappuccino in his favorite coffee shop, until Akaashi called him to bring the bad news.

_“No matter how many times you ask, my answer won’t change, Bokuto-san. They need me here in Hokkaido.”_ An employer at the northern branch of Akaashi’s company had suddenly fallen ill in the middle of an important project. Unfortunately for Koutarou, the only one who could lead the team and save the project all within the deadline was Akaashi.

“Come on, it can’t be that bad, right? What’s that guy have, anyway? The flu?” Koutarou tapped his foot against the table leg. If this was really happening, if Akaashi was really cancelling on him, then he was in big trouble. 

_“Acute kidney failure,”_ Akaashi said in a serious tone.

“Oh, right.” Koutarou buried his face in his hand. The problem was that he needed a ride to Hamada, which was ten hours away from Tokyo. His sister had impulsively decided to move there to live with her boyfriend, and now they were getting married. Since Akaashi was invited too, they decided to take his car and make a fun road trip out of it. Akaashi had been excited about the trip too, and he realized that he was probably just as bummed as Koutarou was. 

“Well, I’ll figure something out, I guess?” he reassured. As Akaashi mumbled another apology, Koutarou let his head drop onto the table, nearly knocking over his now empty frappuccino glass. He went through his other options. Going by plane was a big no no, just like the train was. Hitchhiking was an option. Maybe. 

Just as he was about to tell Akaashi about his hitchhiking idea, the shop's door swung open, and a tall dark haired man came walking in. 

Only, it wasn’t just any man. It was the man that often terrorized Koutarou in his nightmares, or kissed him in his fantasies, which were even worse. The guy that had been his best friend throughout high school. It was also the man who had broken his heart many years ago. 

Koutarou sunk down into his chair and grabbed the laminated menu from the table. Quickly, he unfolded it in front of his face, and hid behind it. “Akaashi, you won’t believe this,” he whispered into the phone, desperately trying not to be heard. He peered over his menu and watched the man order a black coffee. Koutarou scrunched his nose at the choice of beverage.

_“What’s wrong? You sound disturbed.”_

“Kuroo’s here, that’s what’s wrong!” he hissed into the phone, a bit too loud. The girls at the table next to him gave him a nasty look, but Koutarou didn’t care. Kuroo hadn’t heard him, and that was all that mattered. 

Kuroo was wearing a black shirt with a v-neck, which was unfairly tight around his chest. Kuroo still had the same awful hair as he’d always had, making Koutarou feel dangerously nostalgic. He watched as Kuroo exchanged a few words with the barista, and Koutarou couldn’t help but move his eyes down. Yep. Still had a cute butt.

Scared that Kuroo might feel him ogle, he quickly hid behind the menu again. “Akaashi,” he whined, “he’s still hot.”

_“Bokuto-san,”_ Koutarou could hear the hesitance in Akaashi’s voice, and then he said, _“Kuroo-san has a car.”_

"He does?" Kuroo had a car, and he was casually chatting with a barista at 11AM on a Tuesday. Did Kuroo have a break from work too? That would be the luckiest coincidence for Koutarou ever. Except for the fact, that it was his ex-boyfriend who needed to drive said car. 

“Wait,” he suddenly backtracked, “How do you know that?”

_“We talk on Facebook sometimes,”_ Akaashi answered. 

“You traitor!” he whisper-shouted into the phone. 

Koutarou saw that Kuroo had finished his coffee and was getting ready to leave. He figured that he didn’t have the luxury to think this over and that it was now or never. “Okay, I gotta go.” He hung up his phone and placed his temporary disguise back in the menu holder. 

Loudly, he pushed his chair back, and this seemed to catch Kuroo’s attention. A second earlier, Kuroo had been smiling, but now there was a grim look on his face. 

“Hey, hey, don’t look so grossed out, it’s just me.” Koutarou walked up to him and held up his hands. He wondered why he even felt the need to tiptoe around Kuroo, since the other had been the one doing the heartbreaking. “It’s been years. What have you been up to, man?”

“I was _trying_ to enjoy my week off, thank you very much.” Kuroo scrunched his nose as he gave Koutarou a once-over. Koutarou tried not to flinch at that judging look, but did so any way. He was aware that he shouldn’t to be too upset about Kuroo’s behavior, because he knew how he was with people who he wasn’t on good terms with.

“Wow, you’re still bitter, huh?” Koutarou joked as he clapped Kuroo on the shoulder, trying to lift the mood.

“And you’re still annoying,” Kuroo shot back at him. Well, that backfired. “Is there anything you want from me? Because I have things to do.”

“Listen, I’m sorry about that. But there _is_ something.” Kuroo opened his mouth, but Koutarou continued before Kuroo could speak, “I need a ride.”

“A ride? To where, the station?” Kuroo asked, his brows furrowing. 

Koutarou studied his face. He looked annoyed, but not as pissed off as he was probably pretending to be. Koutarou estimated that there was a small chance that this might actually work. A very small one. He gestured for Kuroo to come and sit down with him, and surprisingly he followed. Once Kuroo had set his bag on the floor and was safely seated, Koutarou dropped the bomb. “Hamada,” he said.

“Hamada,” Kuroo repeated. 

“It’s only ten hours away.” It was then, as Kuroo brought his hand to his face to pinch the bridge of his nose, that Koutarou realized how ridiculous his question was. You don’t just ask someone to drive you to the other side of the country, especially not if you haven’t seen each other for five years. But Kuroo wasn’t just someone. He was his ex and his former best friend, and above all that, he was a good guy.

“Only. Only ten hours.” Kuroo sighed dramatically, but Koutarou didn’t care, he was used to it. “Can’t you catch a plane?”

“Come on, Kuroo, you know how scared I am of flying.” The thought alone made Koutarou’s skin crawl. Being high up in the sky, with no escape. If Koutarou started to feel bad, itchy, shaky, he needed to get out and he needed to do it quickly. That’s why a car was his only option.

“Train?” Kuroo suggested. 

“Ah… I don’t do well with vehicles I can’t exit whenever I want.” Koutarou chewed on his thumb. He felt like an idiot for not being able to do things others were able to do so naturally. People had told him to just suck it up, get it over with, to just take the train, that it wasn’t that hard. But it _was_ that hard for Koutarou. And all of it made him feel powerless.

“Then rent a car!” Kuroo raised his voice a bit, and then looked around if anyone noticed them.

“Shit, I don’t have a license, okay?” Koutarou snapped back. Even though Kuroo hadn’t given him a straight up _no_ yet, the whole situation was starting to feel rather hopeless.

“Listen, Bokuto,” Kuroo started. Hearing Kuroo say his name again for the first time in years made Koutarou’s hair stand up, but he ignored the feeling. Kuroo folded his hands together and said, “If you think that I would willingly sit with you in an enclosed space for ten hours, you’re dead wrong.” Kuroo stood up and swung his bag over his shoulder. “Goodbye, Bo.”

“Kuroo, wait,” Kuroo halted in his step, and Koutarou played his trump card: Kuroo was a family man. “It’s Rin. She’s getting married. You know how devastated she’ll be if I’m not there. It’s in two days, so I’m really running out of time. Please, Kuroo, at least consider it.” Koutarou felt a pang of guilt for using Kuroo’s affection for his little sister as a way to sway the odds in his favor, but he didn’t have another choice.

Kuroo seemed to hesitate for a second, but then walked out of the shop without another word.

Koutarou banged his head on the table a couple of times, until he started to get dizzy. He messed up his only chance of a normal trip. The only option that was left was hitchhiking, and he didn’t feel that optimistic about it anymore. Who would pick up a tall and buff guy with a cool hairdo from the side of the road? Even if he did his best, would he even make it there in two days? Maybe he could just drink a few shots of vodka and then take the train, it might make it easier. But Koutarou could already feel the bile rise up to his mouth at the thought alone.

A bell chimed as the door to the coffee shop opened again, and Koutarou lifted his head just in time to see who it was.

Kuroo was halfway in the doorway, looking straight at Koutarou. “You’ll pay for gas, right?”

Koutarou's stomach fluttered with joy. He jumped up and yelled, “Kuroo! My man!”

Koutarou’s luck hadn’t run out after all.

* * *

  

Koutarou hadn’t really thought this through. 

As he was packing his bag for the three day trip, the realization suddenly hit him. He was going on a road trip with Kuroo. With _Kuroo._

He had been so occupied with finding a way to convince Kuroo, that he hadn’t thought about his own feelings.

Was he going to be okay? Sitting next to Kuroo, talking, eating meals together?

_“I think we should stop seeing each other.”_

_Koutarou’s breath halted in his throat. “You want to break up? Why?”_

_“Come on, you know why. This isn’t working out. We barely even see each other anymore. And you can’t even give me a good reason for that.” Kuroo’s voice sounded hoarse._

_The truth burned on Koutarou’s tongue, eager to escape, but he swallowed it. He swallowed all of it. The pain, the feeling of betrayal, the tears. He pushed it away and faced Kuroo. “You’re right. It was stupid of us to think we could continue this after high school._

Koutarou shook his head as if to shake the memory from his head. He wasn’t going to let the past get to him during this trip. 

What was it that Akaashi had told him? That he should just treat Kuroo as an acquaintance and not get too close to him. But that wasn’t as easy for Koutarou. He had the tendency to treat everyone as a friend. He couldn’t help it. How the hell was he going to keep his distance from someone who had once already owned his heart?

 

* * *

  

Tetsurou sat in the trunk of his car while he waited for Bokuto to arrive. The car’s back door was up and did a nice job of keeping him in the shade. He swung his legs back and forth, which wasn’t because he was nervous, of course, just because it was hot outside.

Who was he even kidding?

He had been surprised to see Bokuto again. He knew that it had to happen someday, but he hadn’t expected to react the way he did. The moment he laid his eyes on Bokuto in the coffeeshop, a flurry of feelings had flushed over him. Confusion, shock, but most of all, warmth. Somehow, seeing that wide smile still triggered some affection in him, even though he was pretty sure he was over him. Wasn’t he? 

Caught up in shock, he’d let himself slip and raked his eyes over Bokuto. He had matured a lot during the five years they didn’t see each other, and that surprised Tetsurou more than anything. Had Tetsurou changed that much too? Somewhere along the way, Bokuto had started to wear his hair down, but he still dyed the tips. His jaw had widened, and there had been stubble on his face. Tetsurou rubbed his own hairless chin and clicked his tongue.

Okay, so Bokuto was still attractive. Or better yet, even more than in high school. And he was as charismatic as ever, pulling Tetsurou in with every word he spoke. 

Even though he didn’t think of himself as someone that was charmed that easily, he had foolishly agreed to take Bokuto all the way to Hamada. Sure, Bokuto had said that he was in a hurry, but Tetsurou hadn’t expected that they literally needed to leave the next day.

So here he was, sitting in a parking lot, waiting for his ex-boyfriend to arrive. Great.

A whistle snapped Tetsurou out of his thoughts. “Oh my, that’s gotta be the ugliest car I’ve ever seen.” Bokuto stepped into view, with a large backpack on his shoulder and sporting the world’s ugliest Hawaiian shirt. 

That was enough to instantly ruin Tetsurou’s mood. “You’re right, let’s take your car. Oh wait, you don’t have one.” The white Toyota Sparky was his favorite possession. Okay, it did have its fair share of scratches, dents, and duct tape was keeping it all together, but all his friends fit inside and that’s what mattered in the end. 

“Shut up, I just said it was ugly. I like ugly.” A grin spread across Bokuto’s face as he pointed at Tetsurou. “I dated you, remember?”

Tetsurou sharply inhaled through his nose. “Did you know that it’s only a hundred and eighty hour’s walk to Hamada?”

“Relax man, I’m just messing with you. I just didn’t think you were a minivan guy.” Bokuto looked hesitant, as if he was scared that he had really pissed Tetsurou off. Which was fair, since his ride depended on it. Tetsurou decided to remove the stick from his butt and let it go. Bokuto was probably just as nervous as he was.

He hopped out off the trunk and slid the door open to the middle seats for Bokuto to drop his bag. 

Bokuto shoved his bag next to Tetsurou’s, and climbed into the passenger’s seat, looking ready to go. He groaned at the sight of Bokuto bouncing his legs. Was he going to survive this prolonged exposure to Bokuto’s unlimited energy? Probably not.

Tetsurou reluctantly took his seat on the driver’s side. He typed the address into the GPS, and got his driving glasses from the glovebox. 

“You wear glasses?” Bokuto asked.

“Only when I’m driving.” Tetsurou pulled down his sun visor and fastened his seat belt.

Bokuto chuckled as he rolled down the window.

“What?” Tetsurou stared at the his amused face.

“It’s nothing. Just, the minivan, the glasses.” Bokuto turned to gesture wildly at Tetsurou. “You’re really turning into an old man.” 

Tetsurou started the car and wheeled them out of the parking lot. “Well at least I grew up.” As he said it he flinched at his own words. He had no right to say something like that, because he didn’t know anything about what Bokuto had been up to over the last five years. Why did he always do this? Whenever he felt awkward in any situation, his first response was to say rude things. He wanted to apologize, but Bokuto beat him to it.

“I’m sorry man, didn’t mean to make fun of you.” Bokuto leaned his elbow through the open window, and smacked the car’s door from the outside.“So what do you do for a living that you can afford this luxurious ride?”

“I’m a sports biomechanist.”

Bokuto frowned deeply. “That’s… cool?” 

Tetsurou laughed. Why did he laugh? They’d been in a car together for less than five minutes, and he was already relaxing. Why did that always happen with Bokuto? “Uhm,” he started, “Basically, I study the movements of the human body from a technical point of view, and by this I try to find ways to prevent sports injury.”

“Dude, that’s awesome!” Bokuto said as he leaned over his seat to grab a bag of chips from his bag. “Hey, do you still play?” he asked.

“Yeah, every week. Me and my friends rent out a small gym every Sunday and practice for a couple of hours. Sometimes we even play friendly matches.” Tetsurou’s team consisted of a few of his high school teammates, and some new friends he made along the way. Every Sunday morning he had to go to Kenma’s place and physically drag him out of bed, but it was worth it.

“Sounds great.” Bokuto shook the bag of chips in front of Tetsurou's face, but he kindly declined. Bokuto stared out the window as he said, “Akaashi sometimes tosses for me, but aside from that, I don’t play.

Tetsurou fixed his eyes on the road. He was well aware that Bokuto had dropped out after his first year of college and missed out on going pro, but Akaashi had never told him the details. “So what do you do?” he asked to switch the subject.

“I hop from job to job. Right now I work at a moving company, and I kinda like it. I’m an expert at lifting heavy stuff.” Bokuto flexed his right arm to demonstrate, and Tetsurou had to try his hardest to keep his eyes on the road. 

“Don't forget to lift with your legs, and not with your back,” Tetsurou forced out quickly. Bokuto snorted at that. Tetsurou wanted to smack his head into the steering wheel. Of course Bokuto knew that, they probably had those lifting safety posters on every wall. Why did he always have to be so awkward?

Tetsurou cleared his throat. “So, your sister, huh?”

“Oh, don’t get me started." Bokuto held the bag of chips upside down to shake the last crumbs into his mouth. "First she meets this fisherman at some convention here in Tokyo, then six months later she moves to the other side of the country to live with him, and now she’s suddenly getting married? Hell, my mom even moved there. She booked a plane ticket at the first whiff of potential grandchildren.”

“I’m sorry, man. Must be one hell of a fisherman.” Tetsurou pushed his foot down on the gas as they drove onto the highway. “What kind of convention was it?”

Bokuto groaned. “Please don’t ask. You don’t wanna know.”

Tetsurou smiled at that. He liked Rin, Bokuto’s sister. She was a sight to see, almost as tall as Bokuto and twice as loud. She had been a rebellious teenager, and when she threw a tantrum, the whole neighborhood could hear it. But aside from that, she had a heart of gold. Her family meant the world to her, and she did everything to protect them. After Tetsurou had broken up with Bokuto, she had sent Tetsurou a cake. A cake with laxative sprinkles. Tetsurou had to find out the hard way. 

Yeah, he really liked her. 

Next to him, surprisingly, Bokuto was dozing off. His mouth was wide open, and his breathing was evening out. 

Tetsurou turned on the radio, but kept it at a low volume, and continued to drive.

 

* * *

 

“Wake up. Time for some food.”

Koutarou woke up from a loud voice and a nudge to his body. He peeked through one eye as he shoved at the hand that was rudely poking his side. “One more minute–”

“But I’m naked,” said the voice. 

“What?!” His eyes sprang wide open at that, and he sat up to see what was going on. 

Kuroo sat next to him, fully clothed, choking on his words with laughter, “That old trick– it still works?” 

“Ugh, not fair.” Koutarou rubbed his eyes, thanking the fact that his natural sleep face was already flushed by itself, so Kuroo couldn’t notice the spreading blush. Of course he’d fall for that. Kuroo was still attractive, weirdly enough even more than he was a few years ago, so he wouldn’t mind being able to check out the good stuff.

Oh God, Koutarou was in big trouble.

He looked around himself and noticed that they were parked next to what seemed to be a family restaurant. 

Koutarou stretched and found that his chair had been pushed down, almost horizontally. As far as he knew, he was sitting up straight as he fell asleep. Had Kuroo done that? Why? His snoring only got worse when he lay down flat, so that couldn’t have been it, right?

He opened his mouth to ask Kuroo about it, but Kuroo was already exiting the car. “Hurry up, I’m starving.” 

Koutarou patted down his new favorite shirt to straighten it, and followed after Kuroo. 

Inside, the restaurant looked much cozier than it did from the outside. It had small booths, furnished in dark green fake leather. In the far end of the aisle Kuroo was leading them into, there was a small playing area for children, with crayons and plastic toys, currently unoccupied. Koutarou vaguely remembered a time when he was young and his parents brought him to a restaurant like this, along with his little sister. They had hoped that they could have a romantic evening while Koutarou and Rin entertained themselves. All they had gotten was five minutes of peace and quiet before Rin was banging another kid’s head in with a toy truck and Koutarou got a crayon stuck in his nose.

Koutarou slid into the booth and sat across from Kuroo. The waiter that took their orders looked very happy to see them, which probably had something to do with the fact that the restaurant was empty aside from them. 

“Why did we stop in this small town? We could’ve just gone to a McDonald’s,” Koutarou said.

“Do they have seafood at McDonald’s?” Kuroo asked sarcastically.

“Well, actually–” Koutarou started.

“I know. But we need some good food in us for on the road. And you offered to pay, so I want some shrimp for lunch.”

Koutarou whispered, “Old man,” under his breath, but Kuroo didn’t seem to hear it.

Kuroo pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and unfolded it on the table. “So, I should've showed you this sooner, but I think this is what we should do.” It was a list, with times, and names of locations. Kuroo pointed at them as he explained, “After this, I’ll drive for another two hours. Then, we’ll take a short break, load up on gass, drive for three more hours, eat dinner, and sleep. Tomorrow morning we’ll wake up early and drive the last two or three hours until we arrive in Hamada. Got it?”

“Wait, are we gonna sleep in the car?” Koutarou asked. Kuroo wasn’t exactly the type of person to skip over something that important in his explanation, but Koutarou was pretty sure that sleeping in your car at the side of the road was illegal. 

Kuroo rolled his eyes. “Yeah? Unless you’re gonna pay for a hotel room.”

Koutarou put his hand on his pocket where all of his money for the trip was. He had taken everything he had out of his account, and had only left enough for next month’s rent, and still, it wasn’t much. Hopefully, Kuroo’s car didn’t need that much gas, or else Koutarou might get into trouble.

He clapped his hands together. “Sleeping in the car sounds great!”

Their food arrived and they dug in. Koutarou asked Kuroo about Kenma, and was happy to learn that he was doing great. The rest of the meal they talked about small stuff. Koutarou laughed at the way Kuroo was eating, and Kuroo threw balls of napkin paper at him. The food was surprisingly good, and Koutarou was genuinely having fun. He wasn’t aware that he had needed a vacation, but he knew now. The stress from his body unwound with every snort and laugh. He was having so much more fun than he expected, up until Kuroo got curious. 

“So, why don’t you have a license?” Kuroo asked after he ordered a coffee.

Koutarou laughed nervously. “Well, after I drove into a lamppost during my ninth exam, I decided to call it quits.”

Kuroo raised his eyebrows at him. “Wow."

Koutarou wanted to hide under the table to get away from Kuroo's surprised face. His mind desperately flipped through ways to steer the conversation in a different direction, but before he could think of anything, Kuroo spoke again.

"There's special courses for people who have that much trouble with driving, you know?"

Koutarou drew lines in the condensation on his glass of orange soda. "I know, but–"

"And it's really nice to have a license. Maybe you should think about trying again in the future?" Kuroo smiled kindly, but that didn't slow down Koutarou's racing heartbeat. 

He wiped his mouth and stood up. “Excuse me for a second.”

Quickly, he shuffled out of the booth and went to the restroom. He pushed the door open and found that the room was, luckily but unsurprisingly, empty. 

Koutarou rested his hands on the sink and examined his face in the mirror. There was a sheen of sweat on his forehead and a few red blotches in his neck, but aside from that, he looked okay. Kuroo probably hadn’t noticed that he was freaking the fuck out.

Without knowing it, Kuroo had scratched the surface of a very sensitive subject: Koutarou’s fears.

He wanted to tell Kuroo everything. How he had struggled with his insecurities, and how he had overwon them. Tell him that despite all that, fear still gripped him when he sat down behind a steering wheel. That his heart beat so fast, and his hands became so sweaty, that he couldn’t even hold on to the steering wheel. How frustrating it had been to finally give up, to admit to himself that despite his lessons, his fear wasn’t going away. He wanted to tell Kuroo all of it, because he knew Kuroo would tell him that it was alright, that he had nothing to be ashamed of.

_An acquaintance_ , Akaashi had said. _Treat him like an acquaintance._

Koutarou washed his face and left the bathroom.

 

* * *

 

The tension between them ruled in the car. 

While Bokuto was in the restaurant’s bathroom, Tetsurou had taken care of the bill. Bokuto’s job obviously didn’t pay as much as Tetsurou’s did, so letting him pay for the meal too didn’t sit right with Tetsurou. Especially not since he’d binged on expensive seafood.

However, he hadn’t expected Bokuto to react the way he did. 

When Bokuto came back from the bathroom and Tetsurou had told him that he’d already paid, Bokuto had been offended. After raising his voice and telling Tetsurou that that wasn’t part of the deal, and that he shouldn’t do things like that, he had turned to ignoring him. 

And that’s how it came to this. Already an hour of complete silence from Bokuto’s side of the car. Tetsurou didn’t understand why he’d made such a big deal out of it. Wasn’t it polite to pay for someone else? If only Bokuto would just tell him why he was offended, then Tetsurou could _do_ something about it. All of his attempts at starting a conversation had been futile and it was driving him mad.

Just as Tetsurou was about to pull at his hair out of frustration, an opportunity arose; a familiar song started playing on the radio. “Hey, do you remember this one?”

“No,” Bokuto said.

Tetsurou didn’t give up. “Come on Bo, this is our jam.”

Bokuto scoffed. “It’s not. This song came out years before we even met.”

Tetsurou smirked. Firstly, because Bokuto had admitted that he _did_ know the song, and secondly, because Bokuto was talking to him again. “Shut up and sing with me!”

“Which is it?” Bokuto asked, but Tetsurou tuned him out by turning the radio’s volume up. 

_“There must be something wrong with me,”_ Tetsurou started softly, ignoring the awkward feeling of singing by himself. 

“There definitely is something wrong with you,” Bokuto mumbled as he stared out the car’s window.

Tetsurou nudged him in the shoulder. He had to keep his eyes on the road, but from his peripheral he could see Bokuto smiling as he tried to dodge Tetsurou’s hand. 

Swallowing every ounce of shame he had left, Tetsurou dramatically brought his fist to his chest and loudly sang, _“That is what love is.”_

Bokuto finally broke and started laughing at Tetsurou’s antics. It didn’t take long for him to join in and sing the chorus together with him. Their singing was way too loud, and entirely off-key, but who cared? They were having fun.

“Okay, okay, shh. This is my part.” Bokuto’s face turned serious as he sang the lyrics, exaggerating his facial expressions to fit the words. Then he extended his hand to Tetsurou and sang, _“My left hand is always searching for you.”_

Tetsurou snorted. “That’s your right hand.”

Bokuto quickly pulled his hand back. “Shit!”

The song ended and Tetsurou turned the radio back down. His grip tightened a bit on the steering wheel before he said, “Hey, I’m sorry about before. I’m gonna let you pay for _everything_ from now on.”

“Thanks,” Bokuto replied. Then he turned to Tetsurou with his eyes wide. “Wait, everything? What do you mean?”

“Well I was thinking about going for some sashimi tonight.” Tetsurou laughed at the face Bokuto was making. “Okay, but seriously. I shouldn’t have done that without talking to you first. It was presumptuous of me.”

“It’s okay.” Bokuto pointed at the space between them. “Look at us, communicating like actual adults. I like it.”

“Don’t let it get to your head. You’re wearing a Hawaiian shirt for God's sake.” Tetsurou snickered at the offended gasp that escaped Bokuto’s mouth.

They had an hour left before they arrived at their next stop, and this time around, Tetsurou didn’t mind being in the car with Bokuto.

 

* * *

 

Koutarou wiggled the earpiece of his sunglasses, making them bounce up and down on his nose. The outside scenery was getting less dull by the minute, changing from hills and trees, to small towns that lay in the distance. They were gonna stop at the next town to fill up on gas and supplies, and then head to a village where they were gonna stay for the night.

He stuck his arm out the window, letting the wind dry the sweat on his palm. The summer sun was burning. It was hot inside the car, since the old AC couldn’t handle blowing cold air for more than an hour at once. Despite this minor malfunction, Koutarou loved the car. It was roomy enough that Koutarou’s head didn’t touch the ceiling, and he didn’t have to fold his legs in weird angles, but above all that, it had personality.

Koutarou glanced to his right to check up on the car’s owner. Ever since they left, Kuroo hadn’t even complained about driving once, which came as a surprise. Even as Koutarou had been giving him the cold shoulder after the restaurant incident, he continued to drive as if it was his own sister who was getting married at the other end of the country. He could’ve easily gone home and left Koutarou at the side of the road, but he hadn’t done that.

Honestly, Koutarou thought that he kinda deserved that. He shouldn’t have overreacted like that. He had wanted to pay for the meal as compensation for Kuroo’s efforts, but Kuroo had beat him to it. Knowing Kuroo, the nice guy he was, he’d probably done it because he had his suspicions about Koutarou’s financial situation. If that was true, then Kuroo wasn’t wrong, but Koutarou didn’t like it when people made assumptions about him. If Kuroo had just asked him, he’d probably let him pay. Probably.

Koutarou almost laughed out loud. It was the same old thing again. Kuroo making assumptions about him and Koutarou not wanting to talk about it. Had they really changed since then?

“There it is,” said Kuroo next to him, lifting a finger from the steering wheel to point at the gas station that was coming into view.

“I hope the shop has air conditioning,” Koutarou said as he also stuck his head out the window. The breeze was heaven on his face.

“Don’t lose your head,” Kuroo called after him.

They rolled into the gas station, and it was even smaller than it looked from the distance. There were only three filling stations, and one of those air pump machines that always frightened Koutarou.

Koutarou got out of the car and pinched his nose closed. “I hate this smell,” he said nasally, as he leaned over the roof of the car to watch Kuroo get to work. Kuroo filled up the car, while staring at the register, trying to get to a round number. He cussed as it went a bit over five thousand yen. Annoyed, he shoved the valve back into the station. 

Koutarou grinned at Kuroo’s annoyed face. “Is there a problem, honey?”

Kuroo cracked a smile at that and gestured with his head towards the shop. “Go pay, you tool.” 

Koutarou tapped on the wad of cash in his pocket. “On it!”

He was one step away from entering the shop, when he noticed someone slouching against the wall outside around the corner, just out of sight from where Koutarou had been before.

It was a young man, probably around Koutarou’s age, and he was visibly shaking. Was he drunk? “Hey, are you okay?” Koutarou asked as he stepped closer into the shaded area. 

The man tried to stand up straight, but failed. Koutarou raced to catch him, and was just in time. The young man fell against his chest with a soft sigh.

Again, he asked, “Are you okay?”

“I’m sorry,” the man mumbled into Koutarou’s chest, “I must be dizzy from the fumes.” It was then that the man looked up and locked eyes with Koutarou. Koutarou’s breath stopped.

His eyes were a dark shade of brown, pulling Koutarou in with their intense stare. He was definitely younger than Koutarou had guessed, there was still something boyish about the way his jaw was set. His hair was dark and messy, his bangs long enough that he had to look through the stray hairs. He batted his lashes at Koutarou and said, “Thank you, I feel better now.”

Koutarou then realized that his hands were still on the younger man’s shoulders. His slender, sunkissed, freckled shoulders…

Quickly, he let go off him. “That’s good. Maybe next time, wear a facemask when you’re at a gas station?”

“Thank you, I’ll try that.” He bowed then, and skipped away, looking way more energetic than he had before.

“Hey,” Koutarou called after him, “Can I maybe get your number? You can call me if you get dizzy again!”

The man turned around, smiled at Koutarou, and then stuck out his tongue before jogging away from the station.

Well, that was weird.

He shrugged and entered the shop. He grabbed some bottles of water, a bag of his favorite candy, and went to the register.

“Number two,” he said, “The one with the beautiful car.”

Despite them being the only customers at the gas station, the cashier still looked out the window and snickered. “That’ll be five thousand and thirty yen in total, please.”

Koutarou reached inside his pocket to get a few bills, but found nothing. His heart stopped. He patted himself down. Other pocket. Back pockets. The legs of his pants. His socks. Nothing. All of it was gone.

“That son of a–”

 

* * *

 

Tetsurou rolled his shoulders to unwind the tension in his back. And there was a lot of it, for a good reason. 

After he’d sent Bokuto to pay for the gas, he went inside his car and fiddled around with his phone for a bit, which had been a big mistake. If he’d just kept his eye on Bokuto, all of it could’ve been prevented.

When Bokuto had come running out of the shop with panic written all over his face, Tetsurou guessed it to be over something simple. Maybe the shop didn’t sell Bokuto’s favorite brand of chips, or whatever. However, he hadn’t expected him to have been robbed in broad daylight. 

The police came, and one of the cops told them that they hadn’t been the first victims. Muggings like this had been happening all over the prefecture at gas stations and convenience stores. All of them happened in a blind spot, out of the security camera’s reach. 

That had calmed Tetsurou down a bit. Bokuto wasn’t the only one who had been tricked, so he couldn’t really blame it on him. But when the police officer asked Bokuto for a description of the culprit, and Bokuto described him as ' _super hot'_ , Tetsurou lost his cool.

He hadn’t said a word to Bokuto since then, afraid that if he talked, he’d say something he’d regret. Bokuto was taking it in stride, and was silently staring out the window.

Because of all the delay, they were behind schedule now. They ate some meat buns at the gas station while being questioned, so there was no need to stop for dinner anymore, but still they’d lost over an hour. It was getting late and Tetsurou had to strain his eyes to stay focused on the road. 

When he drove into a village, he decided that it was time to find a place to park the car for the night. He’d rather sleep in a different village, than drive to where he’d planned to stay and risk falling asleep behind the wheel.

At the end of the village’s rather modest main road, he drove past a big and empty parking lot with a deserted building at the end of it. It had probably been a supermarket in another life, but looked more like the set of a horror movie now. Great.

“Let’s sleep here tonight,” he said as he pulled into the lot. The moon was almost full, giving them at least enough light to navigate if they had to relieve themselves in the bushes.

Tetsurou had expected Bokuto to make some remark about the creepiness of the place, but instead he asked in a soft voice, “Are you still mad?”

“No,” Tetsurou lied. “I just can’t believe you let yourself get so close to a total stranger.”

“Hey, I just have a lot of love to give, okay?” Bokuto defended himself, but there was a joking tone to his voice.

Tetsurou rolled his eyes as he parked the car close to the abandoned building. “Wait, your passport didn’t get stolen too, right?” he asked.

“No, I don’t keep it in my pocket. I’m not stupid.”

Tetsurou pulled on the handbrake, and gave him _the_ look.

Bokuto unfastened his seatbelt and turned in his chair. “What, you do think I’m stupid? What the hell, man.” He was frowning deeply now. 

“That’s not what I said,” Tetsurou hesitated before he spoke again, “It’s just that you could pay some more attention to your surroundings, that’s all.” 

Bokuto folded his arms. “Oh, come on, I’m super observant.”

And then, despite knowing better, Tetsurou took it a step too far. “Then why were you so surprised when I broke up with you?”

Within a second, all the blood drained from Bokuto’s face, and Tetsurou knew that he had made a mistake. He had no right to bring up the past like that, and yet he couldn’t help himself.

Bokuto unfolded his arms and tapped the tips of his index fingers together. “So, you were–no, _are_ offended that I was surprised? That I didn’t see it coming? Or did you just think I didn’t care?” He lifted his hands and waved in the space between them. “Maybe–maybe I just trusted us to work it out, but no.” Then finally, his eyes met Tetsurou’s. “You broke my heart, man”

Tetsurou had to swallow before he could speak. “Oh,” he said, softly. 

Bokuto turned away from him and stared through the window into the empty lot.

Oh.

As far as Tetsurou knew, Bokuto hadn’t been the slightest bit affected by their breakup. Sure, he had been surprised, but then he acted like it wasn’t a big deal. His indifference back then was something that had been bothering Tetsurou for years. 

It didn’t help that he heard rumors. People told him that Bokuto took up partying even more after they broke up, and how he was sleeping around. To Tetsurou, it almost seemed as if Bokuto had been freed from him, and could finally do whatever he wanted. 

Not in a million years would he have guessed that he had broken his heart. 

Tetsurou knew that he should tell Bokuto this, that they should clear up this misunderstanding once and for all. There were still things that he needed to say, things that he had regretted not telling him for years.

The words from earlier that day ran through his head. _“Look at us, communicating like adults.”_ And yet, here Tetsurou was, not telling Bokuto anything.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” Tetsurou said.

Bokuto’s voice was strained. “Don’t worry about it. What’s in the past is in the past, right?” 

“Right,” Tetsurou repeated. He looked at Bokuto, and how he was sitting, elbow on the window sill, chin resting on his hand and facing away from Tetsurou. His shoulders were stiff, pulled up higher than where they should be. Tetsurou hated seeing him like this.

He knew only one way for Bokuto to fully unwind. “Hey, want me to toss for you?” Bokuto turned to look at him, one of his eyebrows raised in question. “I have a ball somewhere in the back. I mean, there’s no net here or anything, but we have lots of free space where you could just slam the ball down.”

Bokuto was quiet for at least a full minute, and Tetsurou didn’t know if he was even considering it, but eventually he said, “Alright. Let’s see if you still got some moves.”

Tetsurou found the volleyball under a seat in the back of the car. He bounced it on the asphalt a few times. It was a bit worn out, but it still fulfilled its purpose.

Bokuto was stretching elaborately, as if they were gonna play in an actual match. Tetsurou smiled at his enthusiasm. With Bokuto it had always been all or nothing, none of that half-assedness. His passion was one of the first things Tetsurou fell for years ago.

Tetsurou pushed the thought back and tossed the ball up in the air, bouncing it off his hands a couple of times, keeping it high. “Ready when you are, Bo.”

“I was born ready!” Bokuto yelled, and Tetsurou wondered if someone was gonna call the cops on them, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. They’d had a shitty day, and he just wanted them to have some fun now.

He threw the ball into the air to give himself some time to get ready, and then he set the ball where he believed Bokuto would want it.

Bokuto ran, jumped, and for a second, everything seemed to move in slow motion for Tetsurou. He watched the way Bokuto’s back arched, and how his right hand was brought back to prepare for a spike. All the power in that body should leave no room for grace, and yet, Tetsurou found himself gaping at Bokuto’s moonlit silhouette. 

Loudly, the ball was slammed against the ground, startling Tetsurou out of his trance.

“Did you see that?” Bokuto asked, and Tetsurou nodded, because yes, he had seen everything. “Again!” 

Tetsurou willingly ran after the ball, because he wouldn’t say no to seeing Bokuto like that one more time.

He set the ball for Bokuto again, and again. Every time it smashed against the pavement with a loud bang, and every time Tetsurou ran after the ball as fast as he could, some of the bad vibes of the day dissipated until there was none left. They were just practicing like old times, as if they were still friends. It was carefree and fun.

Tetsurou didn’t know how many times he had tossed the ball when he called for a time out, but it must have been a lot; he was out of breath and his shirt stuck to his back.

Bokuto laughed. “You’re out of shape, old man.”

Tetsurou bent over and rested his hands on his knees. “And you still have the energy of an eight year old.”

Bokuto started doing jumping jacks, probably for no other reason than to demonstrate how unfit Tetsurou actually was. “Come on, toss to me again.”

Tetsurou looked up and raised his eyebrows at Bokuto since he had just proved his point. He picked up the ball from the ground and said, “If you want this ball, you’re gonna have to come get it first.”

“Oh?” Bokuto’s grin spread from ear to ear, always up for a challenge.

Tetsurou took off running as fast as he could, with the ball clutched closely to his chest. Even though Bokuto had infinite energy, Tetsurou had longer legs, giving him the advantage in a race. 

“Come here!” Bokuto cried as he chased after him. He didn’t hold back one bit, slipping a few times when Tetsurou made a sharp turn, but he never stopped running, all the while he was laughing.

Bokuto’s boisterous laughter was contagious, and it wasn’t long before Tetsurou was howling too. There was a painful sting in his side, but he ignored it. This was the most fun he’d had in months.

The sound of their shoes scuffling on the pavement, and their cries of joy, filled the night. Tetsurou couldn’t stop looking over his shoulder as Bokuto hunted him down, the determination in his eyes making Tetsurou run even faster.

When Bokuto was like this, all lively and enthusiastic, everyone around him got pulled in with him. One couldn’t just ignore the force of nature that was Bokuto. It was what Tetsurou loved most about him.

Wait. Loved? Had loved, right? 

The nose of Tetsurou’s shoe got stuck in a dent in the pavement, and he almost toppled over. This slowed him down, and Bokuto caught up with him. He trapped him from behind, reached through Tetsurou’s arms and grabbed on to the ball in his hands. 

“Got you,” he said, and the hair around Tetsurou’s ear moved when Bokuto spoke. He was so close, his chest pressed against Tetsurou’s back, that the vibrations of his voice carried through Tetsurou’s body. 

Tetsurou believed that it was almost dangerous to stay so close to Bokuto, so he threw his head back to headbutt Bokuto in his face. Gently.

The back of his head connected and Bokuto immediately stepped away from him, holding his nose. “Hey, what was that for?”

“Sorry, I’m a sore loser.” Tetsurou spinned the ball that Bokuto hadn’t managed to steal. “Not that I really lost.”

Bokuto stood there, still holding his nose, and Tetsurou was scared that he might have actually angered him, but then he burst out laughing. “Shit, Kuroo. You’re a piece of work.”

Tetsurou chuckled, feeling relieved. Bokuto was still laughing at him and it put Tetsurou at ease. He had managed to remove the awkwardness between them completely. “Hey,” he said, “we have an early morning tomorrow. Let’s call it a night.” Bokuto nodded.

With the absence of the sun, the air was cooling down quickly, and it was almost even chilly. Tetsurou shivered in his damp shirt as he grabbed some blankets from the back of his car. “I’ll take the seats in the back, you can have the ones in the middle.”

Bokuto caught the blanket Tetsurou threw at him and said, “I’m gonna end up on the floor, probably. I always do.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I vacuum my car every week.” Tetsurou stepped out of his shoes and climbed onto the seats, shutting the back door behind him.

Bokuto clumsily climbed up on the middle seats, looking way too big for them. After he slid the door shut behind him, he got tangled up in his blanket with his shoes still on. He tried to kick off his shoes, but the blanket went with them, causing him to hiss a few swear words. 

Tetsurou couldn’t help the giggles that escaped him. “Don’t laugh at me!” Bokuto yelled, his voice filling up the small space inside the car.

“Sorry.” Tetsurou rolled onto his back, folding his knees so that his feet rested on the seats. He regretted not bringing a pillow, but it might do wonders for his hair if he slept without one for a night. “Hey, can you open the window a bit?” he asked. Bokuto sat up and rolled down the window closest to him. “Not that far,” Tetsurou stopped him, “We don’t want to invite all the mosquitoes in.”

“Dude, it’s gonna get super damp in here,” Bokuto leaned his head over the edge of his seat, and looked down at Tetsurou. He was smiling.

Tetsurou smiled back at him. “Yeah, I know. Just don’t fart, okay?” 

“I can’t make any promises,” Bokuto said as he dropped back onto his makeshift bed. 

Tetsurou rolled his eyes only to realize that Bokuto couldn’t see it.

Only that morning, when he had been waiting for Bokuto to arrive at the parking lot, he would have never imagined the day to turn out like this. Sure, he had expected them to get into an argument, and it had happened twice, but–

But. 

It was outweighed by the fun they had. The singing, the volleyball, even just sitting next to each other in the car and enjoying each other’s presence. Tetsurou didn’t know what to think about all of it. He was probably just being sentimental, like he always was.

Next to him, Bokuto was stirring wildly in his seat, trying to get comfortable. Which was difficult on the seats of a twenty year old Toyota Sparky, he had to admit.

He rolled onto his side, facing away from Bokuto. Like this, it was as if he could still feel Bokuto’s body heat at his back, sending hot flares through his veins.

This day had been multiple shades of fucked up.

Exhaustion fell over Tetsurou, and he felt his eyelids getting heavier. He was on the edge of sleep when he heard Bokuto whisper something.

“Tetsurou, don’t you miss _us?”_

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternative title: Kuroo gets owned at the beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey hey! thank you all so much for leaving kudos and comments <33

When Koutarou opened his eyes, he was greeted with a dull grey car ceiling. He rolled his spine, tentative, and found that he wasn’t sore at all; he had slept surprisingly well.

That is, after he had finally fallen asleep. He had been tossing and turning for hours before sleep finally caught up with him. He just couldn’t stop thinking about _the thing_.

After last night's events, he had felt so comfortable around Kuroo. Too comfortable. Foolishly he had asked him a stupid question, a question he already knew the answer to. He had been lucky that Kuroo had already fallen asleep, or else he might have been in big trouble.

Ah. Who was he kidding? The fact that the question had even crossed his mind already meant that he was in trouble. Of course Kuroo didn’t miss the way things had once been between them, right?

But Koutarou did. He missed it, so much. And to be honest, he had never stopped missing it. The night before confirmed what he already knew; he still wasn’t over Kuroo.

Then he noticed that the car was already moving. Kuroo sat in the front seat, one hand on the wheel, and the other lazily hanging out the open window. His hair stuck to his head in a strange way, even messier than the usual look. He was softly humming along to a song on the radio, soft enough that it wouldn’t wake Koutarou if he had still been sleeping. Kuroo had changed his shirt, and was now wearing a sleeveless one, the armhole dipping so low that his side was exposed.

Koutarou swallowed. How could anyone ever get over someone like that?

Kuroo looked over his shoulder. “Oh, you up?”

“Yeah,” Koutarou said, as his feet hit the car door while he stretched. “Where are we?”

“We’re only half an hour away from Hamada. Where do you want me to drop you off?”

Koutarou looked at the radio clock. It was only 9AM, so Kuroo must have left extra early. “At my mom’s. Wait, I’ll put it in the GPS.”

He tossed his blanket aside and climbed through the open space between the front seats. As always, he thought himself more agile than he actually was, and he accidentally kicked the gear stick.

“Hey, watch out!” Kuroo shoved him into his seat, making Koutarou bump his head against the door. He rubbed the top of his skull and peeked through one eye to assess how mad Kuroo was. But he wasn’t mad at all; he was laughing.

“You’re too big, Bo,” he said.

Koutarou grinned, because Kuroo had given him an opening. “Yeah, I get that a lot,” he wiggled his eyebrows.

“Oh my god,” Kuroo groaned. Koutarou chuckled at his reaction as he fastened his seatbelt. “Okay, one rule,” Kuroo started, “No dick jokes before noon.”

“Yes sir,” Koutarou agreed. He clicked the GPS out of its holder and typed in his mom’s address. The machine showed that they were only twenty minutes away. Koutarou wished he had woken up earlier.

Kuroo cleared his throat. “Besides, it’s not _that_ big.”

 

* * *

 

After getting a GPS device slung to his head and almost causing a car accident, somehow Tetsurou still managed to safely bring them to their destination. However, the GPS had bounced off Tetsurou’s head and slammed hard against the dashboard, breaking the screen and everything else. He couldn’t blame Bokuto, because he had it coming. How they were gonna find their way back to Tokyo was a problem for future Tetsurou.

He dropped Bokuto off in a nice neighborhood. Only fifteen minutes from the beach, is what Bokuto told him. He was happy to see that Bokuto’s mother was well off. She lived in a cozy house with a modest front yard. Not too little, not too much, just the way she liked it.

“You sure you don’t want me as your plus one?” he asked, leaning out the car’s window, as Bokuto was saying goodbye to him.

“My mom will forget all about me if you’re there. You know she loves you.” Bokuto stood on the sidewalk with his hands in the pockets of his shorts. “I’ll text you later, okay? Now get out of here.”

“Have fun!” Tetsurou yelled after him as he jogged towards his mother's house.

Tetsurou stepped on the gas. He had a full day to himself, and he was gonna make the most of it.

He found a nice little bath house not far from the beach and parked his car. It was good to finally stretch his legs after driving all morning.

Once inside, Tetsurou paid the four hundred yen fee and left his phone with the employee to charge. He was going to need it at a hundred percent in case Bokuto tried to contact him.

He got undressed in the changing room, and wrapped the towel he brought around his waist. The next day, they’d be on the road again, so he needed to savor this moment as much as he could.

The bathing area was surprisingly modern, with large charcoal tiles on the floor, and partitions between the showerheads. Sunlight shone through small windows situated high on the walls, warming up the room even more than the steamy bath did. There were two elderly men quietly soaking in the bath, and another rinsing himself at the far end of the room.

When he sat down to wash himself, the muscles in his legs protested. Last night’s events were still fresh in his mind, and clearly also still in his body. He tried not to think about what happened in the car afterwards. Maybe if he pretended that it didn’t happen, then he would forget about it.

He sighed as the warm spray of water hit his body. This was much better than brushing your teeth and splashing some water in your face in a gas station’s restroom. He washed up quickly and stepped into the bath. The heat of the water warmed him to the bones, the soreness in his body already disappearing.

An entire day to himself, in a town he had never been to before. Of all the things he could do, there was only one thing on his mind: The beach.

After soaking in the bath until his skin had gotten pruny, he changed back into his clothes, putting on swimming shorts under them instead of boxers. He left the bathhouse and sought out a convenient store. There he bought some snacks, a prepackaged bento for lunch, water, and sunscreen.

He parked his car in the shade somewhere near the beach and started walking. As soon as he even saw sand, he took off his slippers. For some, the feeling of sand between your toes might be gross, but not for Tetsurou. He loved it.

The seagulls were calling loudly above him, scooping down every now and then to steal some of the beachgoers’ food. Tetsurou closed his eyes and let his feet sink deeper into the sand. The birds, the waves crashing on the beach, the salty wind smacking him around the ears. It didn’t get any better than this.

He found a nice spot to drop his things, undressed, and lathered himself in sunscreen. His mother’s voice sounded at the back of his mind: _“Don’t be a cheapskate with your sunscreen, Tetsurou. And wear a hat, for god’s sake!”_ A smile was on his lips as he got his baseball cap from his backpack.

As he waited for his skin to dry, he scanned his surroundings. In the distance, two children were playing in a tidepool, probably scooping out stray crabs with their little fishing nets.

It reminded him of a summer many, many years ago, when he went along with Kenma to visit his uncle. His uncle had turned out to be a boring man, with a boring house, and nothing exciting to do. So they spent most of their time there at the beach. Kenma played with his kite, and Tetsurou explored the shallows around the breakwaters. He could still hear the squeaky sound Kenma had let out when Tetsurou showed him a seaslug.

Tetsurou smiled.

He wondered what Bokuto was doing.

 

* * *

 

“Did you gain weight?” Koutarou’s mother pulled on his suit’s jacket, trying to close it.

“Only in muscle,” he said, and she pinched his stomach. “Hey!”

“Hm, I guess you’re right. Let’s just leave the jacket off then, it’s summer after all.”

“That’s what I said in the first place!” Koutarou rolled his eyes.

His mother ignored him and put his jacket on a coat hanger. She ran her hands over the fabric, straightening it, even though it had just come from the drycleaners. “I can’t believe she’s getting married, Koutarou. It feels like it was only yesterday that she was still complaining to me about how gross boys are.”

Tears welled up in her eyes, and Koutarou quickly stepped in to put his arms around her. He kissed the top of her head and said, “You ruined your makeup, mom.”

She softly punched him in the chest. “Don’t be so rude.” She wiped her tears away and smiled. Koutarou didn’t get his mood swings from a stranger. “So, are you gonna tell me who dropped you off here, or do I need to start pinching you again?”

Koutarou’s stomach dropped. “Uhm–”

 

* * *

 

Tetsurou was having a swell day. He had swum a bit through the waves, until his eyes stung from the salty water. He had even built a few sandcastles, but he would never tell anyone about that.

After he had eaten all of his packed lunch, he decided to explore the rest of the beach. With all his stuff shoved in his bag on his shoulder, he set off in the direction that was more crowded with people.

He passed some food shacks, and one in particular caught his eye. Or better yet, his nose. The smell of grilled fish dominated that part of the beach, and Tetsurou made a mental note to come back there for dinner.

Then in between all the regular beach noises, he heard the sound of a ball hitting the sand. He looked to his right, and found a small group of people playing beach volleyball.

Of course, he went to get a closer look. He had never played beach volleyball himself, but he guessed that it couldn’t be that different.

He was so wrong.

There were only two players on each side of the net, and the playing field was slightly smaller. It was obvious that the people playing were no professionals, but still it felt like there was a world of difference between them and Tetsurou.

A girl on the right team messed up a block, and then Tetsurou started to focus on her. She missed a few more after that. He noticed that there was something wrong with how she timed her jump.

Unconsciously, he shuffled closer and closer to the side of the court, until the ball bounced off the sand and rolled past him.

The girl he had been observing saw him then. She crossed her arms and asked, “There something you need?”

Oh god, she probably thought he was a pervert or something. “No, sorry, it’s nothing,” he started, but he couldn’t help himself, “It’s just that your blocks would be way more effective if you moved your body differently.”

“Oh, we got ourselves an expert here, don’t we?” The other players laughed. She frowned, and then said, “Why don’t you join my team next round, see if you can actually play.”

All eyes were on him now. “Yes. Please. I mean, I’d love to,” he stumbled out.

Soon after, the guy she was playing with switched out, and Tetsurou stepped onto the court. He bowed and introduced himself. “Kuroo, nice to meet you.”

She gave him a curt nod. “Chou. Likewise.” She emptied a bottle of water in one go, and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “You play?”

“Only indoors,” he admitted. And then a peculiar thing happened. Chou smiled at him, but not necessarily a kind smile. More like Tetsurou was about to cause his own death and she was enjoying it.

Someone threw her a ball and she handed it to him. “Show me how it’s done.”

He rolled the ball in his hands. It felt different. But before he could think of what the difference exactly was, someone blew a whistle, the signal for him to serve.

He wasn’t quite confident in the sand yet, so he did an underhand serve. The ball flew up less high than he estimated, trailing off the the left because of the wind, but one of the girls on the other side of the net easily received it.

This was his time to shine. He ran towards the net, and–

Oh.

He was so slow. Used to being in sneakers, he miscalculated every step, and sunk deeper in the sand than he was supposed to. Somehow, he reached the net in time, raised his arms and jumped.

And the ball completely flew over his hands only to slam into the sand.

The other team cheered, and someone on the side wrote the score in the sand.

“You might be tall, but that ain’t gonna do you any good if you got skinny calves like that.” Chou sounded pleased with herself.

He had used all his force, and yet, his hands had barely reached over the net. But the way his feet felt in the sand as he jumped was something he wanted to experience again. “Could you teach me?”

She threw him a water bottle and grinned. “That’s more like it.”

Tetsurou thought that Bokuto would definitely get along with this girl.  

 

* * *

 

“Kou, please stop crying. There’s snot dripping from your nose, it’s disgusting.” Rin handed him a tissue, and he gladly took it.

He blew his nose, but it didn’t make a difference. The tears kept flowing. “I can’t help it. You look so beautiful and happy and–” he let out another sob.

“I know,” Rin grabbed his hands and held them close to her chest, “You’re next.”

He breathed out a laugh. “You know I can’t get married, right?”

“Oh, Koutarou, be creative, will ya? It doesn’t have to be official, a ceremony will do. Just give me an excuse to wear my sluttiest party dress.” Koutarou had to smile at that. “Besides, mom is chill with it. I’m gonna give her lots of grandchildren anyway, and I’m gonna start working on that tonight.”

Koutarou scrunched his nose. “Gross.”

She gave him another tissue. “Not as gross as your face.”

 

* * *

  

“I think you broke me.” Tetsurou laid in the warm sand and watched the clouds pass through the sky. He still hadn’t quite caught his breath yet.

“No man, you did that all by yourself,” Chou stood next to him, shoving her things in her backpack. “You got talent though.”

He brought his hand to his heart. “Wow, an actual compliment. I might cry.”

“Haven’t you done enough crying for today?” She swung the bag over her shoulder. “We’re going now. Goodbye, Skinny Legs.”

Tetsurou sat up and held his hand in front of his face to shield from the sun so he could actually see her. “Thanks for the lesson.”

She nodded at him and went off to join the rest of her group. He watched one of the other girls, Tamiko, if he had remembered correctly, whisper something to her. Chou then wildly waved her hands at her, and then the girl came running towards Tetsurou.

“Uhm, hi,” she started, “I was wondering if you might join me for dinner? Just the two of us?”

For a second, Tetsurou was too surprised to answer, but then his heart stopped.

His first thought wasn’t that he couldn’t because he lived in Tokyo, or that he was gay. Somehow his mind drifted to Bokuto, and he was shocked by it. There was nothing going on between them, so why? Why why why?

He tried not to show his internal conflict, and said, “That’s very nice of you, but I already have plans.”

“Oh, alright. Have a nice evening then!” She quickly bowed and dashed away.

Tetsurou watched her leave and tried not to think about the tricks his mind was playing on him.

He got up and strolled back in the direction he came from earlier that day. He had a date with the grilled fish he smelled previously at the beach shack.  

When he got to the restaurant it had gotten a bit cloudy, so he put his shirt on. After he got his dinner, he found a nice and quiet place close to the shoreline. He sat down in the sand, and watched the waves crash as he chewed on a fish skewer.

For the first time since that morning, he allowed himself to think about the night before. More specifically, about what Bokuto had asked him.

_“Don’t you miss us?”_

Of course he missed what they had had, but he couldn’t admit that to Bokuto. He had to stay strong. Tetsurou felt like he didn’t have the right to say those things, especially since he had been the one to break up with Bokuto.

Could they become friends again? He ached for it. The fun they could have together, the conversations that lasted until deep in the night, the motivation he got from watching Bokuto play volleyball. But it was never enough. He needed more from Bokuto. He needed the touching, the kissing, the promises. If it hadn’t been enough back then, would only a friendship be enough now?

_“What’s this?” Tetsurou asked when Bokuto handed him a folded piece of paper._

_“Just open it.” Bokuto was shuffling on his feet, looking ready to run out of the gymnasium at any second._

_Tetsurou wiped the sweat from practice off his forehead before unfolding it. There was a squiggly drawing on it, which was clearly a self portrait of Bokuto. Only with stronger biceps and a wider jaw than he had in reality, but he was gonna let that slide. The drawn version of Bokuto had both thumbs up, and a big smile on his face. Next to it was written: ‘Do you want to go on a date with this guy?’. At the bottom were two boxes, marked with a ‘yes’ and a ‘no’._

_Tetsurou couldn’t help but laugh. Only Bokuto could come up with something so childish, yet charming. “So? Who are you gonna give this to?”_

_“It’s for you. Duh.” Bokuto looked him in the eye, so intense that Tetsurou couldn’t look away. “Well, what is it? Yes or no?”_

_“I don’t have a pen,” Tetsurou joked. Bokuto’s eyebrow twitched. Quickly, he added, “Yes. I’d love to.”_

_Bokuto shouted out a laugh of relief, and ran into Tetsurou for a hug, knocking him over. Tetsurou landed on the back of his head, and it was definitely going to leave a bruise, but he didn’t care; Bokuto was in his arms and he couldn’t stop laughing._

Tetsurou smiled at the memory. He still had the drawing, kept it safely in an album full of high school memories.

He had almost thrown it away a few times after he had broken up with Bokuto, but found himself unable to, breaking down in tears and cradling it to his chest after almost tossing it.

There had been a good reason why he broke up with him. Their first year together after high school, Bokuto went to college on the other side of Tokyo, but it felt like they were a world apart. Bokuto had started to distance himself from Tetsurou, calling less, cancelling appointments, always out partying with his new friends. Tetsurou had felt useless, not needed, forgotten. He couldn’t stand feeling like that. So he ended it. Bokuto didn’t seem to care much at the time. And yet. Only yesterday, he told Tetsurou that he had broken his heart. How could that be?

Tetsurou buried his feet in the sand. He should find out the truth about that, and what Bokuto was hiding from him.

He shook his head. Here he was again, over-analyzing things and losing sight of his original thought.

He missed Bokuto. That was his current problem. Missed him even more now that they were spending time together again. How could that be?

Whatever the answer to that question was, he didn’t want to think about it anymore. So he pulled his shirt off, dropped it on top of his bag and slippers, and went for a swim.

The beach was getting emptier by the minute now. People went home for dinner, or simply left because the sun was hiding behind the clouds. Tetsurou let himself sink deeper into the water and enjoyed the sounds of the ocean, no longer disturbed by the noise of other beachgoers.

His skin was sore from exposure to the sun and from diving for balls in the sand. Especially raw were his knees, but the cool water flowing against it relieved the ache.

“Kuroo!” Tetsurou whipped his head around at the sound of his name.

Bokuto was on the beach, in a suit, waving at him.

Tetsurou emerged from the water and walked up to the shore and shook the water out of his hair. He noticed that Bokuto was barefoot, sand sticking to the bottom of his slacks.

“You didn’t pick up your phone, but I knew I would find you here somewhere,” Bokuto said. He dropped himself on the sand.

“The beach is pretty big, Bokuto. How long have you been walking?”

“Not that long, and I enjoyed the scenery.” Bokuto leaned back on his hands and closed his eyes. He looked a bit out of breath.

Tetsurou sat down next to him, letting the leftover heat of the sunny day dry his skin. “Aren’t you going to sleep at your mom’s?”

“Nah, the house is filled with relatives, so I’d rather not. Besides,” he opened one eye to peek at Tetsurou, “Don’t wanna pass up on another night in that beautiful car.”

Tetsurou looked at him. The dark circles under his eyes that had been there in the morning were still there. “You’re full of shit, you know that?”

Bokuto chuckled. “So, what’ve you been up to today?”

“I learned how to play beach volleyball.”

“No way!” Bokuto whined, “I wanna learn too.”

“That’s what I thought. But not today.” Tetsurou’s own words shook him. It was as if he suggested there would be a next time for them.

“You look a bit tense.” Bokuto had noticed the change in Tetsurou’s composure.

“Yeah, my back still hurts from driving and sleeping in a car,” he lied. Well, it wasn’t a complete lie. His back _did_ hurt.

Bokuto tapped the sand between his legs. “Come here, I’ll take care of you.”

Tetsurou hesitated for a moment, but then he moved to where Bokuto wanted him. Bokuto laid his hands on his shoulders, and he was suddenly very aware of how naked he was, only wearing his swimming shorts.

Bokuto rolled his thumbs over Tetsurou’s shoulders, and it made him groan. Bokuto snickered next to Tetsurou’s ear. “Wow you really are an old man.”

“Shut up,” he whispered, but he couldn't really be annoyed when Bokuto was working all the tension out of his back. “No, don’t shut up. Tell me about the wedding.”

Bokuto sighed, making the hairs in Tetsurou's neck stand. “Rin was beautiful. Seriously, she was glowing. I’ve never seen her that happy before. I kinda like her husband. Did you know that I’ve only seen him once before today? He’s a special guy.”

“Are you ever gonna tell me what kind of convention they met at, or not?”

“Nope, never. Taking my sister’s secrets to the grave.” Bokuto laughed and Tetsurou joined him.

The entire day, Tetsurou's mind had wandered to Bokuto. Little things that reminded him of Bokuto, to actively wishing Bokuto had been there with him. Tetsurou had to be honest with himself and admit that he was happy to have Bokuto back. Even the fact that he had chosen to spend the night in Tetsurou's car instead of a comfortable bed, somehow made him feel special.

Tetsurou watched as the sun dipped lower on the horizon, as the hands on his back sent shivers through his body.

He wished that they could stay for another day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next week the last chapter! 
> 
> find me at maiuzan.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, thank you all so much for leaving comments and kudos <333

When morning came, Koutarou woke up on the car’s floor. Somehow, he had wrapped his blanket around his legs while he was asleep, and rolled off the seats. Great. He pulled himself back up and saw that Kuroo was still fast asleep in the back.

Kuroo was face down, with a crumpled up blanket on the back of his head. Koutarou chuckled. He reached over the seat and pulled the blanket off him. “Hey, your hair is gonna look even worse than usual.” Kuroo moaned into the seat and tried to pull the blanket back, but it was in vain with the early morning weakness in his arms.

“Bo, I’m gonna murder you if you don’t give it back.”

“You’re such a sweet talker in the morning.” Koutarou dropped the blanket to the floor and turned around to try putting on his pants, which was hard with the limited space he had. “You told me you found a nice bath house around here. Care to take me there? I feel gross.”

“Sure,” Kuroo said as he ran his hand through his hair. His hand stayed there and he frowned.

“What’s wrong?” Koutarou asked.

“My hand, it’s stuck.”

 

* * *

 

After Koutarou had finally stopped laughing at Kuroo, they went to the bath house. Kuroo looked so delighted when he finally rinsed the ocean’s salt from his hair.

Koutarou tried very hard not to look at Kuroo’s naked figure, but he couldn’t help himself. He cast secret glances at Kuroo’s lower back, where there was now a very defined tanline. He turned the shower’s temperature to cold.

He distracted himself by thinking about the day that lay ahead of them. But as he thought about it, he was overcome by a strange mix of emotions, and by the time they got back to the car, Koutarou was in a bad mood. A very bad mood.

Kuroo started the car, drove off, and it was real. They were going back to Tokyo.

Koutarou’s seatbelt felt tight around his chest.

Every minute, he was getting further away from his family, and closer to his normal everyday life. He didn’t want to go back to work, he didn’t want to go home.

Once back, he would have to work extra shifts to make up for the week he took off, and for the money that got stolen. His job was fun, but it was tough on the body. Could he really handle a few weeks of working double shifts?

And then there was this other thing, or rather, other someone: Kuroo. Getting back to Tokyo meant having to say goodbye to him. At least, that’s what he thought would happen. They hadn’t really talked about it, the possibility of them becoming friends again, and at this point, Koutarou was too afraid to ask. Getting dumped by Kuroo once was enough rejection to last him a lifetime.

He closed his eyes and sighed. One more day until they arrived. One more day he could pretend that he had nothing to be worried about.

If only he could stay in this car with Kuroo forever.

“Okay,” Kuroo abruptly turned off the radio, “that was the tenth time you sighed since we got in the car. What’s wrong?”

Koutarou’s shoulders tensed up. “It’s nothing,” he slid on his sunglasses, and kept his eyes on the landscape that was sliding past the car.

“Bokuto, please talk to me.”

Koutarou teased with the idea of just spilling it all. Would Kuroo think he was overreacting? That he was complaining too much? That he was annoying? That would definitely be the worst outcome.

He used to be so easy with showing his emotions. But in high school, he started noticing other people's reactions to him. Bothered, annoyed, even angry. Sometimes a person already started rolling their eyes when Koutarou sneezed. He was sick of people labelling him as annoying.

So he learned to keep his inner struggles to himself, bottling them up until he exploded. Never had he talked to Kuroo about this, afraid that he might think he was weird and walk away from him. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he knew that Kuroo would never do that, but Koutarou’s heart overruled his mind; his fears were stronger than his hopes.

But now, he didn’t have much to lose. Kuroo probably didn’t even consider them friends. If he walked away from Koutarou, it wouldn’t hurt as much as the last time. Probably.

“I don’t wanna go home,” he started. Kuroo didn’t say anything, so he continued, “I don’t wanna go home and be an adult who worries about rent and stuff. I just wanna have a bit more fun, that’s all.” He held his breath. Kuroo had always been the more responsible one of the two. _A middle aged man trapped in a seventeen year old body,_ Koutarou had called him once. Would he ridicule Koutarou for thinking these things?

“That’s it?” The question was harsh, but Kuroo’s tone of voice wasn’t. “I don’t want to go home either,” Kuroo said.

Koutarou frowned. What did he mean by that?

Kuroo lifted his foot off the gas a little, slowing the car down. “What are you doing?” Koutarou asked.

“Making this trip last as long as I can.” The corner of Kuroo’s mouth curled up as he turned on the radio again. “It’s nice, you know, not having to play the guessing game. I’m not as good at it as Akaashi is.”

Did Kuroo really not mind listening to Koutarou? Or maybe it annoyed him more to be left in the dark. That was probably it.

Kuroo cleared his throat. “For a minute there I was thinking I did something wrong.”

“No, you’re–” _perfect_ , he thought, but he couldn’t say that, “You’re fine." Koutarou studied Kuroo's profile, and then he added, "Not as provocative as you used to be.”

“I like to stay out of trouble these days,” Kuroo said, face serious, but somehow his eyes twinkled with youth.

“Really? Somehow I don’t believe you.” Koutarou’s gaze met Kuroo’s and they both laughed.

 

* * *

  

“Oh, did I tell you why I got fired at the aquarium? It’s a great story.”

Tetsurou smiled. “You didn’t. Please tell me.”

Bokuto babbled on and Tetsurou listened. He had discovered that he loved hearing Bokuto talk. This man, this grown up version of the Bokuto he had known before, had an abundance of stories to tell, so many experiences to share. It was like a whole new world was opening up to Tetsurou. He was fascinated by it.

It felt a bit like he was betraying his old self, but he decided that he liked this Bokuto, even more than he liked him in high school. Not in _that_ way of course, just a friendly form of 'like'.

Bokuto was not only telling him about things that had happened to him, but also how it had made him feel. It gave Tetsurou some insight in Bokuto’s mind that he had never had before. He wanted to know what Bokuto was feeling, what he was thinking, why he did the things he did; to get an understanding of him in a way he had never had.

But most of all, he wanted to know what had been going on when Tetsurou broke his heart.

“So, naturally, I dove in after it.” Bokuto’s voice pulled Tetsurou from his thoughts.

“Wait. You dropped your phone in a shark tank and you went after it,” Tetsurou repeated, not sure if he had heard it right.

“Of course I did!” Bokuto said confidently.

Tetsurou’s chest tightened. He had always felt oddly protective over Bokuto, and somehow that feeling was returning to him now. _Of course I did,_ is what Bokuto had said and Tetsurou understood him, but in a slightly different way; if Bokuto jumped in a shark tank, Tetsurou would gladly dive in after him.

He hoped that Bokuto knew that even though it was over between them, he still meant a lot to Tetsurou. He must realize that, right? Tetsurou was a nice guy, but not nice enough to drive someone halfway across the country without good reason.

At the beginning of the trip, Tetsurou had denied that to even himself, but now there was no way around it. He still cared about him.

They passed a small bakery and the smell of freshly baked bread came through his open window. It was hard not to immediately step on the brake, but instead Tetsurou parked the car at the side of the road.

“We going somewhere?” Bokuto asked.

Tetsurou took off his glasses and grabbed his wallet from under his chair. “Yes. I got a perfect idea on how we can stall some time.”

 

* * *

 

Bread, pastries, drinks, even fruit, Kuroo had thought of it all. Not only had he spent a ludicrous amount of money at the bakery, he had also raided the supermarket as if he had been shopping for five instead of two.

“I don't even have that much of a sweet tooth,” Koutarou said as he spread out the blanket on the grass.

“Well, more for me then.” Kuroo grinned as he unloaded the food from the car.

_A picnic_ , Kuroo had suggested. Just the thing to let them enjoy their vacation for a little bit longer.

They had found a wooded area that was on the route of their new shortcut. Well, Kuroo had called it a shortcut, but Koutarou was pretty sure they were just lost without the GPS.

Red pines surrounded the small clearing, cancelling out the sounds from the road that lay nearby. There had been a worn out path of tire tracks that they followed with the car, indicating that the spot was used by lots of people, but there was no one around now. _Must be because it's a weekday_ , Koutarou thought.

The sun shone through the trees, and Koutarou felt it warm up his neck. Kuroo's messy hair cast shadows on his face as he bent down to put the food on the checkered blanket. Carefully, he arranged it so they could still sit on either side. Koutarou caught himself staring at Kuroo's fingers.

“This is–," Koutarou struggled to find the right words as he gestured at the entire setup. "Very gay,” was what he decided on.  

Kuroo snorted. “Are you complaining?”

“Shit, of course not.” He flopped down across from Kuroo. The dampness of the grass was leaking through the fabric underneath him, but he couldn't care; there was a nice crisp pastry in front of him that had his name on it. “Thanks for the food,” he said before he bit into the sweet crust.

Kuroo sipped on some cold milk tea and stared at Koutarou, a smile tugging at his mouth. Koutarou suddenly felt very aware of the pastry crumbs on his cheeks. "What?" he asked with his mouth full.

"Nothing," Kuroo said, still smiling, as he tried to unpack a melon bread.

Koutarou swallowed his food and wiped his mouth. "Come on, spill."

"It's just–" Kuroo frowned as he peeled on the corner of the plastic, but it didn't give. He gave up, and just tore the packaging in half. Then he said, "You look very content and calm when you eat. It's endearing."

"Endearing," Koutarou repeated. Kuroo shrugged.

Kuroo bit into his bread as if nothing had happened. Koutarou couldn't believe this guy. “So basically, you just called me cute.”

“I didn’t.” Kuroo didn't meet his eyes.

“You did!”

“Did not.” Kuroo was still looking down at his crossed legs.

“Kuroo!”

Before Koutarou processed what exactly had happened, something hard hit his head. He watched it bounce off him and land on the blanket. Kuroo had thrown his melon bread at Koutarou.

Koutarou rubbed at his temple, and for a second Kuroo was looking at him as shocked as he was. But then, the asshole burst out laughing.

Koutarou grabbed a creampuff and as quickly as he could he crossed the distance between them. Kuroo tried to fend him off, but Koutarou grabbed his wrist to stop him. Kuroo looked like he had surrendered to his fate, and Koutarou crushed the creampuff painfully slowly against his cheek.

“Now we’re even,” Koutarou said, victoriously.

“Really?” Kuroo asked as what was left of the pastry fell off his cheek onto the blanket.

Suddenly, Koutarou became awfully aware of the position they were in. He was in between Kuroo’s spread legs, still holding his wrist above them. Their bodies were so close that he could feel Kuroo's heat against his chest. His chest that was inhabited by a now very fast beating heart.

Kuroo’s tongue darted out to lap at some of the cream, and Koutarou’s eyes dropped to his mouth. When he looked up, Kuroo was studying his face, a question in his eyes. They were so close. He could just, dip down a little, and–

There was a tug at his hand, Kuroo was trying to pull his arm free. Instantly, Koutarou let go and backed away a bit. Kuroo averted his eyes. “You spilled my tea.”

_You were asking for it,_ is what he wanted to say, but instead he just apologized and went back to where he sat before.

Things were quiet between them then, and Koutarou was thankful for that. He needed the silence to think. Without complaining, Kuroo cleaned his cheek with a tissue.

What had been that look on Kuroo’s face? He had never seen it before. Somehow, it seemed as if Koutarou could have done whatever he wanted at that moment, and Kuroo wouldn’t have stopped him.

Hold up, whatever he wanted? What was it exactly, that Koutarou wanted?

Unconsciously, his eyes drifted to Kuroo who was peeling a mandarin. He watched his fingers work as the juice from the peel dusted into the air.

No. He knew better than that, right? Getting involved with Kuroo again, wouldn’t they just repeat history? Besides, there was no way that Kuroo would ever allow that to happen.

There was so much left unresolved between them. But, that didn’t mean that Koutarou couldn’t kiss Kuroo. There was no time to talk when you’re kissing someone.

His gut twisted at that thought, because it was so wrong. He didn’t want to just kiss him. Koutarou wanted to laugh with him more, stay up all night and talk about silly stuff, lay in his lap as Kuroo ran his fingers through his hair.

Things were different between them now. They had both changed so much. Somehow, Koutarou had less difficulty opening up to this Kuroo. He felt like he could actually tell him all the scrambled thoughts that were going through his head.

An ever present voice at the back of his mind reminded him of Kuroo breaking up with him, turning his whole world upside down.

Koutarou twisted the cap off a bottle of apple juice and chugged it.

In less than twenty-four hours they’d be back in Tokyo, and then Koutarou could just lock his feelings away somewhere safe and forget about it all.

 

* * *

  

Tetsurou couldn’t stop thinking about Bokuto. He was sitting right next to him in the car, and yet his mind kept drifting back at what had happened at the picnic.

When Bokuto touched him, it had made Tetsurou feel… things. At that moment, he looked like he wanted to be that close to Tetsurou. The way he had been staring at his face, at his mouth.

The worst thing was, he had wished Bokuto did something then, anything. Had it shown on his face?

All of it annoyed Tetsurou. He was a reasonable guy, so why couldn’t he just reason the feelings away. Was that really all that he needed? For someone to just touch his skin to make him swoon?

He stepped on the gas. Going home as quickly as possible suddenly sounded like the best idea.

Bokuto turned to look at him with his eyebrows raised, but when Tetsurou didn’t say anything about it, he returned to staring out the window. Things had been awkward between them ever since that afternoon and Tetsurou didn’t know how to fix it.

Again, they were on a road that led through a forest, and it was badly lit. It was getting dark fast and they still hadn’t found a place to spend the night. They were way off track since Tetsurou had been too stubborn to use his phone’s GPS. After he had gotten over his pride, he found out that he had added an extra hour to their travel time. Fantastic.

Since Tetsurou couldn’t handle the silence anymore, he tried small talk. “So,” he started, “what did your mom think about me driving you all the way there?” Bokuto was always happy to talk about his family, this was a safe bet.

“She, uhm–” Bokuto played with the buttons of his shirt. “I told her a colleague gave me a ride.”

“Why?” As far as Tetsurou knew, Bokuto wasn’t the kind of person who lied to his mother. Their relationship was one of the most honest and open ones Tetsurou had even seen, so why?

“I don’t wanna talk about it, Kuroo,” Bokuto said.

“Fine.” Tetsurou’s grip tightened on the steering wheel.

It was getting even darker, since dark clouds were gathering in the sky. And that was all the warning they got before the rain came falling down.

Tetsurou turned on his windshield wipers, but it was pouring. He couldn’t see more than a few meters ahead of them.

“We can’t drive in this.” He slowed down and drove onto the patch of grass next to the road, at a safe distance from the potential passerby.

Rain clattered on the asphalt that still held the heat of day, causing the air to feel hot and moist. It stuck to Tetsurou’s skin and he could already feel his hair become even puffier.

_Fine,_ is what he had told Bokuto. But it wasn’t fine at all. Why wouldn’t Bokuto tell his mother about him? Did he not want to be associated with him?

He had to speak up to be heard over the sound of the rain smashing down on the car’s roof. “Okay, this is bothering me. Why didn’t you tell your mom about me?”

Bokuto opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again. For a moment, there was only the sound of rain. Bokuto took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. “Well, if you really want to know," he paused, "she hates you.”

“What?” Tetsurou felt like he was being pushed back into his car seat. Bokuto’s mother had always been so kind to him, and they had gotten along really well. “Why?”

“Well, it might have to do something with the fact that I cried into her shoulder all night after you broke up with me. And I didn’t exactly say nice things about you in between crying.”

Tetsurou could see it. He could see the way she would hold Bokuto, and how they’d talk trash about Tetsurou just to cheer Bokuto up. The image hurt him, because he had been responsible for giving Bokuto so much pain.

Lighting struck down somewhere nearby and they both jumped in their seats.

Tetsurou closed his eyes and rubbed his face. “Bokuto, what went wrong between us?”

Bokuto huffed. “You tell me. You were the one who broke up with me.”

Lightning struck again. Tetsurou unbuckled his seatbelt and turned in his seat. “You were never there, Bo. Always out partying, drinking. It was like you were avoiding me.”

Bokuto stayed quiet for a minute, and just when Tetsurou started to worry, Bokuto kicked the glove box in front of him. “Do you have any idea how it was for me? My boyfriend at the other end of town? Akaashi sending me pics of you two hanging out all the time. While I was trying to survive college? I only got in there because of my volleyball skills. You know I can’t study for shit.” Bokuto finally turned to look at Tetsurou and pointed at him. “And you. You were doing it so easily.”

Tetsurou felt tight in his skin, felt trapped in the car. He wanted to get out. But he didn’t. “How could I have known all of this if you wouldn’t even see me? Should I have guessed how you were feeling? I wasn’t having an easy time either, you know?”

Bokuto raised his voice. “Oh shut up, everyone knows you’re ten times smarter than me. I couldn’t do it, Kuroo. It felt like the walls were coming at me. Of course I went out to party at every opportunity I got!”

Tetsurou could feel his heart beating in his ears, and his breathing sped up. Was this really the talk they needed? He had tried to control himself, but now he couldn’t anymore. “You should’ve come to me!” he said, voice raised. He wanted to scream. _Talk to me, need me._

Bokuto’s voice went bitter. “You really don’t understand, do you? Everytime I saw you, and your success, it was like rubbing salt in my wounds. You even scolded me for going out, for partying, saying that it influenced my performance. Told me how I shouldn’t do this and that." Bokuto took a second to breath, and then said in a broken voice, "I was suffocating.”

Tetsurou flinched. All of that was done with good intentions. He had been so worried about Bokuto back then, had just wanted him to succeed in life. Now he understood that he had been acting selfishly. Telling him what to do without ever considering what might have been going on in his boyfriend’s life.

And yet, Bokuto had never bothered to tell him anything. Tetsurou couldn’t help but try to defend his old self. “Just so you know, all I wanted was the best for you.” He took a shaky breath. “I loved you.”

“Well look how that turned out, huh? You broke my heart so suddenly, and now years later, I’m still not over you.” Bokuto threw the door open. “So fuck you, and your excuses. I’m walking home.” He stepped out into the pouring rain and set off.

Tetsurou slung his fogged up glasses in a random direction and slammed his head against the steering wheel, and banged it a few times for some clarity. Bokuto was right. He was making excuses while he shouldn’t. The only excuse he had was that he’d been a selfish idiot. That he didn’t try to understand him. That he only pushed harder when Bokuto was pulling away from him.

Bokuto’s back disappeared into the dark.

He swung his door open and ran to catch up to him. The rain felt hot on his skin.

“I am so sorry,” he said, but Bokuto didn’t stop walking. There was anger in his step.

“I didn’t think about your feelings. I assumed that you didn’t need me anymore. I always make assumptions. God, I really need to stop doing that!” he yelled the words at Bokuto’s back, hoping that they would reach.

He put his hand on his shoulder in an attempt to stop him. “Bo, let’s head back to the car. Please, you’re gonna catch a cold.” Bokuto shook him off and continued to walk.

Tetsurou was shivering now, but it wasn’t because of the rain. All he wanted was for Bokuto to realize that he had never wanted to hurt him. That he had never wanted for things to be like this. Again, he put his hand on his shoulder, firmer this time. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he chanted.

Bokuto stopped. Tetsurou could feel his shoulders shaking under his hand. Was he crying?

“Shit.” Bokuto sniffed. So he _was_ crying. “I can’t get rid of you,” he said with a hoarse voice.

Tetsurou wanted to say something, anything. He couldn’t find the words.

But he had no time to think about it, because Bokuto put his hand on top of Tetsurou’s hand on his shoulder. He grabbed it, tightly, and turned around under Tetsurou’s grip. Now, they were facing each other. For a second, Tetsurou saw Bokuto’s face, wet with tears and rain. But then, Bokuto tugged at Tetsurou’s hand, hard, pulling him in. A question was on the tip of Tetsurou’s tongue, but he didn’t get a chance.

Bokuto was kissing him.

 

* * *

 

He was kissing Kuroo.

The sound of thunder clapped around his ears. He was soaked to the bone. Rain was seeping through his hair, making it stick to his face. His knees were shaking, and he was cold from head to toe. Tears were still falling from his cheeks, and his throat hurt from sobbing.

But he was kissing Kuroo.

Kuroo pulled away, breathing heavily. Koutarou could see the questions and doubts all over his face. “Please,” Koutarou pleaded before Kuroo could walk away. “Just for tonight.”

All he wanted was for them to pretend that nothing had changed between them, that they were still in love. Just like those first few weeks of young love, back in high school. When they were still discovering each other, bit by bit, not a care in the world.

Kuroo nodded, and brought their lips together again. Koutarou could pretend that nothing had changed all he wanted, but he couldn’t pretend that Kuroo’s kisses were still the same. His kisses were hungry, urgent, more passionate than Koutarou was used to. It left him breathless.

He had to put his hands on Kuroo’s shoulders, because he didn’t trust his legs to keep him upright. Kuroo disconnected their lips and rested his forehead against Koutarou’s. “Car?” Kuroo whispered the question against Koutarou’s lips, and all he could do was nod.

Kuroo let him hold his hand as they walked back to the car. He lead Koutarou onto the middle seat, and climbed in after him.

Only when Kuroo kissed the corner of his mouth, and said, “I hate seeing you cry.” Koutarou realized that tears were still spilling from his eyes. He was so overwhelmed by all of it. The fight, telling Kuroo the truth after all these years, Kuroo’s lips against him. Emotions were overflowing and he couldn’t hold anything back.

Kuroo ran his thumb through a tear that ran over his cheek, and then pressed a kiss where the tear had been. “I’m so sorry,” he said again.

“Don’t–” Koutarou’s voice broke, he couldn’t finish what he was trying to say. He wanted to tell Kuroo that it was alright, that he didn’t need to apologize anymore. For Kuroo finally understanding what Koutarou had been feeling, was worth more than an apology.

Kuroo peppered kisses all over his face. “You’re amazing, you know that?” he whispered against his skin. “So strong. Keeping all that to yourself, carrying that burden.”

Koutarou wrapped his arms around him, and dug his nails into Kuroo’s back. He couldn’t bear to hear anymore of it, it felt like he was about to combust. He turned his face to kiss Kuroo on his mouth again, and ran his fingers through his ruffled hair.

Kuroo gladly captured his mouth in a deep kiss, and Koutarou was aching. Somewhere along the way, he had stopped crying. Kuroo’s hands were all over him, in his neck, on his chest. He felt so safe in his arms, so he let himself be swept away by it.

_Just for tonight._ His own words replayed through his head, and he tugged at the hem of Kuroo’s shirt. He wanted to be closer to him, to feel him.

Kuroo studied his face. “You sure?”

To show him just how sure he was, he ducked forward and sucked on a patch of skin in Kuroo’s neck. The gasp that escaped Kuroo’s throat proved that it was still his weak spot.

Their shirts came off shortly after, but Koutarou was still impatient. He wanted more of Kuroo, he wanted all of it. Kuroo pressed kisses to his collarbone and Koutarou’s mind stopped working.

He wanted to go all the way, but he couldn’t wait for all of that. Koutarou needed Kuroo. Right here and right now.

Quickly, he started working on Kuroo’s belt. He shoved his jeans down as far as the tiny space they were in allowed him. Because of the dark, he could barely see anything, but that didn’t matter. Kuroo pushed him down on the seats and sat on top of him. Koutarou wiggled his own pants down his hips as well. If he hadn’t been so filled with need, he would’ve probably thought their positions to be awkward, but that wasn't the case now.

Kuroo leaned down and pressed sloppy kisses against Koutarou’s neck. “Is this okay?” he asked, as he rubbed himself against him.

“Yes,” he hissed, as he arched his hips up. Anything to get closer to Kuroo.

Kuroo moaned into his ear and Koutarou knew he was done for.

They were humping against each other like two inexperienced hormonal teenagers, and Koutarou thought it was the best thing in the world. Just for tonight, he could pretend that it was just that.

Kuroo’s rhythm sped up, and Koutarou knew that he was losing himself to the pleasure. His skin felt on fire in the places it touched Kuroo’s. Breaths were coming in short, and it was suffocatingly hot in the small space of the car. Koutarou wrapped his arms around Kuroo’s back and pulled him in closer, closer, closer.

When Kuroo came, he choked out Koutarou’s name. His first name.

Koutarou’s eyes stung at the sound of his name, but he blinked it away. Soon after, pleasure washed over him too, and he forgot all about his problems. All there was, was him and Kuroo, and nothing else.

Kuroo kissed him again, and again. The man just wouldn’t stop kissing him, and Koutarou had no complaints. His view of his surroundings was getting fuzzy at the edges, and his eyelids were heavy.

Him and Kuroo. That’s all there was.

 

* * *

  

Tetsurou woke before the sun was up. Almost methodically he put on his clothes, climbed into the front seat and took off. He did it all as quiet as possible, not wanting to wake up Bokuto.

He was hungry and his skin was uncomfortably sticky under his clothes. The seat belt cut into a painful patch of skin in his neck. He rolled down the window and let the cold morning air blow some sense into his mind.

What had he done?

When Bokuto kissed him, he had been shocked at first, but something happened within himself. He came to the painful realization that he wanted him. And then, recklessly, he went along with it. At that moment there was nothing more he wanted than to kiss Bokuto senseless.

They touched, and kissed, and Tetsurou wanted to tell him so many things, but he ended up only saying half of them, too caught up in Bokuto. And when he fell asleep next to him, cramped into a space so small that he could barely breathe, he felt at peace for the first time in a long while.

Bokuto had said that it was just for the night, just one night. Could Tetsurou live with that?

Maybe Tetsurou deserved an equal amount of heartbreak as Bokuto had suffered from.

His body protested, but he kept on driving. He focused on the road, until his mind blanked out and there was nothing but the road. Time crept by slowly. He just wanted to be home already.

In the rear view mirror he could see Bokuto still sleeping, snoring softly. There was a weight on Tetsurou’s chest.

By the time Bokuto finally stirred awake, they were already in Tokyo.

Tetsurou had helped Bokuto back into his clothes after he fell asleep the night before, so that took away a bit of awkwardness. Only a bit.

Bokuto looked around him confused, and Tetsurou cleared his throat. “Where do you live?”

“Huh?” Bokuto’s voice was hoarse.

“What’s your address?” Tetsurou tried very hard to pretend that nothing had changed for him. The night before was only a memory now, and nothing more.

Bokuto gave him directions from the backseat. Tetsurou couldn’t help but look in the rearview mirror every other minute. Bokuto looked pale, like he wasn’t all there. He must be dying to get home as quickly as possible too.

Tetsurou drove up to a two story apartment building. It looked a lot like his own first apartment. He remembered always having to walk on his toes to not disturb his neighbors. The only good thing about it was the low rent, and that was that.

Bokuto checked one last time if everything was in his bag, and then he got out of the car. He stood next to Tetsurou’s window and chewed on his bottom lip. “Thanks for the ride. See you around?”

Bokuto’s eyes met his and Tetsurou had to look away. “Yeah, sure,” he lied.

He watched Bokuto walk away from him. Followed him with his eyes until he disappeared into his apartment on the second floor. And then he drove away.

The pain wasn’t that bad, it was bearable. He only had a bit of trouble breathing. And it felt like his ribcage was gonna collapse at any second. He wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn’t come out. Really, he could handle this.

He punched the steering wheel while he was waiting for a traffic light to turn green.

It hurt. It hurt so fucking much.

How much time had they spent together? Two days? Three? That was all it took for Bokuto to worm his way back into Tetsurou’s heart again. He desperately wanted to be part of Bokuto’s new life. Bokuto had given him only a glimpse of it during their trip and Tetsurou was hooked.

But this time, it was different. He had never felt this way about him before. He wanted to be with him, give it another try, and most of all, he wanted to fight for it. For _them._

And yet, he was giving up before he even tried it. Making assumptions about what Bokuto wanted.

Shit. He was making the same mistakes he had made back then.

The person in the car behind him honked. The light had turned green and Tetsurou hadn’t noticed.

After the next crossing he would be home again.

Home.

He made a very illegal U-turn and stepped on the gas.

No way in hell was he going to let Bokuto slip away from him this time. There were still so many things they needed to talk about, so many things Tetsurou still needed to tell him. He was going to be there for him, this time around. No more selfish bullshit. He knew they could do it. He just knew it.

His car came to a screeching halt, taking up two parking spaces, but he didn’t care. Bokuto was worth all the parking fines in the world.

In a moment of clarity, he grabbed a pen and a gas station receipt from the dashboard and quickly scribbled something on it. He shoved it in his pocket and jogged to the apartment complex.

Tetsurou’s stomach fluttered with nerves as he climbed the steps to the second floor. Would he even open the door for him?

He knocked, and soon after the door opened. Tetsurou didn’t know what to say.

Bokuto stood there, wide-eyed. There was a phone at his ear and his eyes were puffy. “I’ll call you back, Akaashi,” he said before he hung up.

Tetsurou still didn’t know what to say.

He handed Bokuto the crumpled up receipt.

“What’s this?” Bokuto asked as he took it. When he unfolded it, his mouth dropped open and his eyes watered.

Embarrassment flooded over Tetsurou, because he knew what Bokuto was looking at. He had made a weak attempt at copying Bokuto’s way of asking him out back in high school. On the receipt was an awful drawing of himself next to the familiar question: _Do you want to go on a date with this guy?_

“You remembered.” Bokuto brought his hand to his mouth. “And you gave yourself cat ears.”

“Well?” Tetsurou was desperate for an answer.

“I don’t have a pen,” Bokuto said, and then he laughed, blinking away what was left of the tears in his eyes.

“So that’s a yes?” Kuroo asked, and Bokuto nodded quickly.

Relief, happiness, gratitude, too many emotions at once coursed through Tetsurou at once, but he didn’t get the time to process them. Bokuto had grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him inside his house.

Bokuto pushed Tetsurou’s back against the closed front door, and with a lopsided grin on his face he leaned in to kiss him. Just before their lips touched, Tetsurou pushed him back. “Wait. Last night–,” it was hard to focus on his words when Bokuto’s lips were so close to him, “Last night didn’t resolve anything, okay? We still need to talk about things.” Bokuto's body was hot against him, and he could feel his heartbeat resonate through his own chest. “And I want to take things slow.”

Bokuto dramatically rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Can I still kiss you, though?”

As an answer, Tetsurou ran his hand through the hair on the back of Bokuto’s head, and pulled him in closer.

This time around, their kiss was slow, softer. Was it even real? Too much was happening at once and Tetsurou didn’t know anymore. He surrendered himself to Bokuto, and he loved it.

Bokuto separated their lips to catch his breath. “So you still have a crush on me, huh?” he said teasingly against Tetsurou’s lips.

For a second, he got lost in Bokuto’s eyes. A world of possibilities had opened up to him, and he wanted to explore them all with Bokuto.

He smiled. “Not _still_ , but again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> waahhh i finished it! please leave a comment, they make my day ^^
> 
> maiuzan.tumblr.com


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